Logan Miller - Clutter (My choosing)

Logan Miller

Essay 4: Clutter (My choosing)

            I find my mind to be cluttered… and as a matter of fact, I find my life to be cluttered as a result of it… or some combination of vice versa or something. I am hyper involved, because I have found myself not happy doing nothing. When I initially became frustrated, I thought it was as a result of redundancy. Get through the week, play Xbox with the boys, go to church, get prepared to make it through the week. My friends and I, during freshman and sophomore year, did the same thing every weekend. I came to the conclusion that I wanted my life to be exciting and to be honest, it wasn’t. I got involved with everything from Intervarsity Christian Fellowship to Sigma Phi Epsilon. I became an RA and I picked up a job in event staff. With all of these I excelled: I became better at guitar (I played on the worship team for IV) I took on various leadership positions in the fraternity, improved as an RA, Got involved with the Luter School of business, sat on the Student media board as a chair member, received a promotion at work. I excelled to the best of my abilities and received recognition for it. As soon as I accomplished something, however, it would soon become an annoyance. It’s like dedicating all you time to hiking to the top of a mountain and realizing there is a fog that won’t allow you to see the beautiful view. I was living in a cloud cover of my own discontent with doing nothing. I would accomplish things that felt like they should be mountaintops in my life and all they divulged was the knowledge that it wasn’t as great as I thought it would be. In fact, I was in a spot where I was actually longing to get off the mountain so I could see something other than the fog. The only way to see past the fog is to be in tune with your purpose and to be content with it. My theory behind this comes from my dad’s logic on knowing when a girl is the one. “When you can be completely comfortable doing nothing, you know she’s the one.” I have realized that really what it comes down to is being content. You find your purpose when you realize that no matter how much you get paid, if you’re doing one thing, you’re happy, then that’s what you want to do and your purpose is what drives it. I think that at some point in my life I will do a long distance hike in order to reaffirm the discovery of my purpose. To allow my body to be broken down by nature to expose the true dedication of my soul would be an amazing experience. I do actually long to see real beautiful mountaintops like mount rainier and the vast desert in the west. I want to travel and see things, but mostly in the US, because I have found in recent years, I am mesmerized by the landscape of the United States.